RATIONALITY OVER emotions.....................

This day will be one of the most memorable day of my life forever, not because I have achieved something, just because I want to go into my past & recall my all memories. Today I don't want to miss recalling a single moment spent with my Old grandfather's house, sitting among relatives, getting money from grandmother for kites, for candies, ice creams, going on evening walk with her, just because I knew that it will be good for her health & she feels good, going with her on various marriage ceremonies, listening her tensions regarding my mama's, as we learnt thats the only way to make them feel happy & minimize their inside pain.

Its a relation that developed since I started woking up with her at 4 in the morning for worship, plucking flowers with her, sitting with her in puja, where the light of one diya is so bright & mesmerising. At that time I didnt undrstood the charm of that light, though I love to sit there, but if now someone will ask me the value of that charm, my reply would be "its unmeasurable". Its a bond since she was able to getup at 4, takes bath, washes my face, does her work by herslef, & she arranges everything.

I still remember when I use to go to her on vacations, she never forgot to send ma mama's to the bus station, for any kind of inconvenience, arranging everything by her own. She always tries to make us eat as much as possible. At that time I used to think that I m the only happiest & richest kid in the city, as I got whatever we wanted. It doesn't meant that she want to spoil me.

She always supported me against my mother & fathers strict instructions, and tried to defend me every time. I never found her getting bored from my activities, surely because she never wanted me to look sad & unhappy. Today I also want to recalls those days when I used to be excited about her arrival at our home, me and my sister put turns to sleep beside her, in alternate days. At that time we used to feel that she is the only caring person around me, not even parents, and feels sad if I get to know that she will be going back in few days.

After few years she got diabetes, she used to take 2 injections a day before meal. That was painful for me in the early days, but as days gone, become usual for her as well as for me. She started keeping ill twice or thrice a month, but still seems happy whenever I visited her. In winter days we used to sit under sun for long long time, discussing so many things, as I don't want to leave her alone for even few seconds. This is just because my mother always told me that old people are the most valuable assets of the family, & they love to talk a lot, specially with new generation people. She used to hold my hand tightly, surely was an indication that how much she was missing me & surely asking for some mental support at her age, as I used to visit her once in a blue moon. I never saw her without crying when we used to depart from each other.

Today I don't want to miss a single interaction. I m feeling like broken, alone, feeling like its good that I m not there, but but but still I m not crying, doing my all work as usual, What happen to me, where is that all love & affection gone? Is it like I m hiding that love, affection & care, or don't want to show others. OR is it I become very much Rational, and it killed my emotions, my values, particularly for that person who has done so much for me. Why I m not crying for the person who always cried, whenever we departed, in the past, who always cared for my comfortableness, my happiness, who is closest to me.

I think I become selfish & useless rational because since childhood my environment wants me to become like that. I become so much rational, for my means, that I forgot that old people are the real assets of everyone's family.

Its time to know the difference............